Have You Seen This Bike?

written by the vassar comikaze

On my way back to Vassar after spring break, I decided I was going to buy a bike. I figured it would help me accomplish my goal for the semester; to stop being such a lazy bastard and live an active, healthy lifestyle. I’d cut down on smoking, bike over to the gym every other day, eat more green things… the usual bs I feed myself. My parents liked the idea of me doing something, so they had no problem buying the bike for me.

Unfortunately, my family’s obsession with getting the best possible deal led us to Wal-Mart. Though the smiley face on TV may tell you otherwise, Wal-Mart does not have a great selection. There were four bikes on the rack (conveniently located in the back off the store) and two of those bikes were pink. This gave me two options; the black one or the silver one. The silver one wasn’t without its charms, but it had one of those really uncomfortable seats. The ones that give you back spasms after two minutes of use and look vaguely like a jet black weewee. The black bike was my only option.

In retrospect, I probably should have tested out ol’ blacky before buying it. I say this because it makes funny sounds when I pedal, and the gears always stick. Oh yeah, the right break doesn’t work either: I found that out while speeding towards a busy intersection. I hit the side of a mini-van at full speed, causing me to fly off the bike, flip through the air, and land on a ten foot statue of Ernest Borgnine. It’s a good thing I had my undersized helmet and orange chest protector on at the time… otherwise I would have looked like an idiot.

Aside from the fact that it doesn’t work, the bike works just fine. It’s perfect for riding over to the Acrop for a 2:00am omelet, and theoretically, it could take me to the gym any time I want. I’ve been real busy doing stuff (nothing) lately, so I haven’t had the chance to head over. I’m hoping to bike there by the end of the week, but by then I may not have a bike any more. In fact, there’s a good chance that it’ll be gone the next time I want to ride.

If you look at the above photograph carefully, you’ll notice that my bike isn’t locked. Until today, I had the combo set to - - - -, the lock’s default sequence. I stuck with the four dash default because I figured no thief was stupid enough to guess that sequence. Also, I was too stupid to figure out how to make my own combo.

When I tried to close my lock yesterday, I accidentally pushed too hard and activated the switch that lets you set your own combo. I was happy to have finally figured it out, but unhappy when I realized that I had no idea what my combo was. I tried to open the lock for at least fifteen minutes, but to no avail. My temporary solution was to weave the locked lock through the wheel, creating the illusion of security.

I think I’ll pick up a new lock later in the week… right after I hit up the gym.