Jimmy the Asshole - Part II

Part I



When I got back to my dorm I was rip-shit mad. I punched the side of my wall ‘til my neighbor came in and complained. She was all, “Stop punching my wall! I have a test tomorrow you psycho!” I was like, “Bitch, don’t you know how to knock?” and I smacked her in the titties. But even that didn’t cheer me up. Like I said, I was rip-shit mad. I knew the only thing that would make me feel better was some vengeance.

I looked up the librarian’s address on the internet and biked over at three in the morning. It was a pretty nice place for a librarian, lawn and everything. I took a deep breath and pumped myself up. It was game time.

I broke in through the window and landed in a box of kitty litter. Shit was everywhere. “Shit,” I thought. “That gives me an idea.” I crept up the stairs to her bedroom and slowly opened the door. She was in a big bed, fast asleep.

I turned on the lights. “Wake the fuck up!” She darted up out of her bed, caught sight of me and yelled.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!”

“You know exactly what I’m doing here.”

“Get the fuck out of here!”

I threw two handfuls of cat shit at her face and she fell back onto the bed. I ran up to her cat shit stained head, crouched, and cut a big fart. I call it the Garfield.

There was a huge bang at the front door. I heard the sound of footsteps bounding up the stairs. Suddenly, the door flew open, I was on the ground, and a Doberman pincher was biting my sac. “Hands behind your back!”

What the fuck’s going on? Find out next week in the thrilling conclusion!